In Shakespeare’s great study of the warrior archetype, Coriolanus, when the renowned Roman general’s mother asks him to temper his severity for peacetime politics, he responds,
Why did you wish me milder? would you have me
False to my nature? Rather say I play
The man I am.
Mildness and masculinity, he thinks, are opposed.
Indeed, psychological research shows men are more disagreeable than are women. And Jordan Peterson has pointed out that disagreeable men get ahead better in the workplace. A man, we’re told, speaks his mind: he’s straight talking. Multi-millionaire Andrew Tate doesn’t care how anyone feels about what he says.
Nor should any masculine man, right? Actually, this isn’t the case. I’m <1st percentile of disagreeability, meaning I’m more disagreeable than 99 people in every 100. Without swearing or losing my temper at all, I once made a relative cry in an argument about abortion because I wouldn’t budge at all on the fact that it is always wrong to kill innocent humans — even the children of rape victims. What I did wasn’t wrong: sometimes we must sadden others for the same of some higher good (in this case, truth). The point is I can take the facts over feelings approach as far as anyone even with people I’d rather avoid upsetting if possible.
In general, however, disagreeableness isn’t masculine. I learnt this the hard way, and this article will save you considerable time and pain by explaining why. I wish I’d been taught this when I was younger. First, I’ll give you my hard-earned commentary on what I’ve read that has helped me figure this out. And then I’ll explain the most common pitfalls for men to avoid.