On Despair

Effeminacy and The Crisis of Masculinity

Someone recently wrote to me asking if he’s beyond the point of help. Suicide is currently the biggest killer of men, and this is the worst symptom of the spiritual sickness of modern man. Despair, the worst sin of Judas, is also the deepest expression of effeminacy and the contemporary crisis of masculinity. And often the pills don’t work. They just make you worse.

Traditionally, moral theologians defined despair as ‘an act of the will by which one turns away from the beatitude one desires, not under the aspect in which it appears as good, but because one apprehends it as impossible, or too difficult, or never to be realized, and under this aspect as evil.’ In short, to despair is to believe getting to heaven is impossible.

Note that it’s an ‘act of the will.’ Mere unbelief isn’t despair — although anyone who doesn’t believe and thinks his position through to its logical conclusion certainly will despair. And despair is when a man ‘turns away’ from God, not merely a boring job or anything else in life. That’s pusillanimity — abandoning hope of attaining something you’re capable of, like getting a particular qualification or a milestone in the gym, because of the hard work involved. Despair, by contrast, means that God specifically is regarded as ‘impossible’ or ‘too difficult.’

If you’re desiring extinction (like Judas did), you’re despairing because you’re not looking for eternal life. Perhaps it’s because you’re a pagan. St. Paul says those who do not accept the Final Resurrection are those “who have no hope” (I Thess., 4:12). Only Christ defeats death. Your favourite Viking can’t save you. Neither can Achilles. They couldn’t even save themselves.

Or perhaps it’s because you believe that God isn’t merciful or your sins can’t be forgiven. In that case, it’s unbelief but a judgement contrary to faith. You might, for example, believe you’re too weak to repent and persevere. Note that this isn’t merely having given up some of the practices of the faith due to weakness but intending to repent. It’s believing that repentance is impossible.

Scripture holds up the examples of Cain and Judas for reprehension because they didn’t trust God despite His promise to the contrary. They were fainthearted, lost patience and didn’t persevere. Anyone unaware of the sinfulness of despair doesn’t commit mortal sin. He lacks full knowledge.

Nor does anyone who doesn’t give full consent of the will. For example, someone suffering from depression who fights against suicidal thoughts and feelings isn’t despairing. Similarly, an insane person lacks full consent. But Cain and Judas had full knowledge and consent.

Despair is so dangerous to us because it paralyses us. “Why is my sorrow become perpetual and my wound desperate, so as to refuse to be healed?” (Jeremiah 15:18) And the book of Proverbs wants that, “if thou lose hope, being weary in the day of distress, thy strength shall be diminished” (Proverbs 24:10). As a sin against the Holy Ghost, despair is like spiritual suicide, but it can be overcome by divine grace.

Despair isn’t “the dark night of the soul.” That’s when God purges us to prepare us for a higher spiritual state. Instead, despair is our own fault and stems from luxury and sloth. Luxury can mire us in carnal delights, making us underestimate and eventually spurn spiritual ones. That’s why lust is so dangerous and, traditionally, is said to be what lands most souls in hell. And sloth makes a man unwilling to put in the effort necessary to pursue a tough goal.

In the dark night of the soul, the saints — despite their spiritual desolation — don’t turn to carnal delights. And although they’re far more keenly aware of their imperfections than average people are, they don’t lose heart or neglect their prayers. From them, we can learn to prioritise spiritual joys so our minds aren’t darkened, and we should remember that God’s infinite mercy is greater than any of our sins.

Developing virtue is hard, and attaining heaven is even harder. Embracing this hardship is masculine because men do hard things.